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Archive for May, 2011

Alignment

It’s imperative to every once in a while take inventory of your relationships and re-evaluate relationships that you have with people who are no longer serving you. Sometimes we spend a lot of time trying to make relationships work without realizing that we’ve either outgrown them or just that both parties in the relationship have changed and have grown apart. When you find yourself in a strained relationship and find yourself constantly working to keep it going and find it to be exhausting, it’s time to take a look at the relationship to see where it really stands.

It’s important to eliminate people from our lives who are not supporting us or no longer serving us. By eliminate I don’t necessarily mean cutting off the relationship completely, but not spending the majority of your time with these people, and when I speak of relationships not serving you I’m not talking about people doing things that we want them to do, I’m referring to those things that no longer have a purpose in your life or fit in with where you are trying to go in life. They don’t support your goals, your vision, or contribute to helping unlock your potential. If you choose to be in relationship with people who don’t align with your values and beliefs you open yourself up for a lot of frustration and heartache. People that we are closest to have great influence on us. We value their thoughts and opinions. We place value on the words they speak. If this person is someone who is not positive and supportive those words can take effect on us and slowly erode our self-confidence and self-esteem. Even for someone who is very confident and has a healthy self-esteem, you can find yourself second guessing your thoughts and actions based on the non-supportive or negative feedback from a friend. Therefore, it is very important to make sure that you are spending your time with people who value you, where there is mutual respect, people with whom you share common interests with, people who support you and people who foster your growth and add to your life, not take away.

People come in and out of our lives for a reason. Some are meant to stay, some are not. As we journey through life, we go through phases and stages. Some people are there for the long haul, some are meant to be temporary relationships. Why do we hold on so tightly to people who aren’t good for us? People who aren’t right for us? One of the biggest reasons is fear. Fear of being alone. But sometimes it’s because we don’t want to hurt the feelings of family members and old friends, sometimes because the bad connections are connected to some of our good connections and because of fear of losing those good connections, we continue in the relationship even when it is hurtful or unhealthy for us to do so. Learning to let go and release is essential to learning how to move into the realm of abundance that is always present and waiting for you. Realize and recognize that as you let go, what you are telling God and the universe (by universe I’m referring to the universal laws that are at work in our lives that GOD created) is that you are ready to receive this abundance. It’s kind of like being in a romantic relationship. A lot of times people stay in bad relationships hoping and wishing for someone else better to come along. But as long as you continue to spend your time and energy in a relationship that isn’t working for you, you are keeping the doors of opportunity closed for a new relationship to come into your life. The relationship is not that great but you continue to stay in it because its comfortable or because of fear, all the while you are miserable inside. You are bonded to this person and as long as the two of you are together there is really no space for anyone else.

Also, it’s imperative that you eliminate negative, toxic people from your life. The same way that we need to eliminate toxins from our body, toxic relationships need to be eliminated as well. What is a toxic relationship? Well first of all, according to Merriam-Webster, Inc. ( 2011), “[biologically a toxin is a poisonous substance that is a specific product of the metabolic activities of a living organism and is usually very unstable.]” ( para. ). Metabolic activities are basically anything having to do with metabolism which is the chemical processes that occur within a living organism in order to maintain life. [Metabolism is also defined as the sum of these processes] ( Merriam-Webster, Inc., 2011). During the process of metabolism sometimes byproducts are produced. When you eat healthy whole foods that provide the cells with vitamins and other nutrients that it needs to thrive, you allow the body to function the way it should. On the other hand, if you eat unhealthy foods that are laden with chemicals, preservatives, additives, and other things that are foreign to the body, the body cannot function properly and there are toxic byproducts and substances that are produced as a result. We are encouraged to eat foods rich in antioxidants. Why? Because during metabolic processes, oxidation takes place during normal cellular function. The body metabolizes oxygen very well but 1% – 2% of cells will get damaged in the process and become free radicals. This is what is called oxidation. Since these free radicals are damaged, this makes them harmful to other cells. Why are they harmful to other cells? Because they are missing a critical molecule, and since they are missing a critical molecule, they then go looking for other cells to pair up with. Nothing wrong with pairing up, it’s the way they pair up. When free radicals (or damaged, unstable cells) pair up they do it by attacking the nearest stable molecule to steal its electron. When the attacked molecule loses its electron it then becomes an unstable, damaged molecule itself or free radical. This then creates a chain reaction of free radicals which can cause other cells to die if there aren’t any antioxidants available. Free radicals are kind of like wounded people. Wounded people have in some way been damaged, and although not every wounded person lashes out at others, it’s typically hurting people who hurt people. Sometimes these kind of people have the attitude that “Since I”m not happy, no one else is going to be happy.” And so they try to steal the life and joy from those who are closest to them. In essence what this person is doing is trying to bring people down to their level of unhappiness, in other words, trying to “pair up” as free radicals do in order to stabilize themselves and feel more grounded.

People who are negative are very toxic to the relationship. So where does negativity come from? A lot of negativity comes from dissatisfaction in some area of a person’s life. Whether it stems from dissatisfaction with a job, problems within a relationship, or some other issue, just like a molecule becomes unstable and toxic, a negative person is unstable and can be very toxic to the relationship. Being highly unstable, free radicals have to bond with other molecules, thus damaging these other molecules as life is literally leached out of them. Sometimes you can have negative, toxic people in your life who literally suck the life out of you and drain you of energy. They don’t add to the relationship, they take away with their constant complaining, constant backstabbing and gossiping about you and others, never having anything positive to say, never having anything good to contribute to the relationship, and they bring you down and put you down whenever they find the opportunity to do so, always fueled by that green-eyed monster called envy and jealousy. They are like leeches. Parasites that prey on you and attach themselves to you just to sustain their own life. And instead of spending their time bettering themselves and working on improving their own lives, they choose to spend their time analyzing and tearing down other people’s lives. This type of relationship must be cut off. Unstable molecules (free radicals) not having an even number of electrons, continuously seek out extra electrons that they can “steal” to help stabilize themselves so they attach themselves to other molecules. In the human body, this process of free radicals robbing the life from your cells results in destructive damage to your cells. Negative people sometimes behave in this manner, although they really don’t realize that they do. Their unstable condition causes them to seek out people with whom they can attach themselves to for stability. You have something they don’t. Be careful who you attach yourself to and who you allow to attach to you. Everybody who is trying to bond to you is not doing so to share with you as this is the behavior of atoms (which form molecules.) Some people are looking to attach themselves to you for what they can get from you or “steal” from you.

Have you ever had an encounter with an angry person who’s negative disposition somehow rubbed off on you? Everything was going fine until you came in contact with this person who lashed out at you. These type of situations usually happen when either the negative person has had an argument with someone (maybe a spouse or maybe they got chewed out by the boss) and they don’t know how to release the negative energy. So you are the next person (yay for you!) who comes along and happens to stumble along their path and because they were not able to dump their negativity elsewhere, they dump it on you. This happens so quickly that sometimes you don’t even realize what has happened until it’s over. Now you are the one who is angry. And typically the person who dumped on you then walks away free and clear of all negative energy that was dumped on them. There’s been a transfer of energy, and you weren’t even prepared for it.

Another reason that you need to eliminate negative toxic people from your life is because whatever we place value on, we focus on. Sometimes people place value on a title, and because of the title, we give more value than should be given to the person even when that person doesn’t value you or add value to your life. Some of those titles can be mother, father, sister, brother, etc. If these relationships are dysfunctional but you feel you must maintain close ties because of the titles, you are putting your own emotional health and welfare in jeopardy. If you allow toxins to stay in your body they eventually erode away all the good stuff like weeds choke the life out of healthy plants, so why do we do so with personal relationships?

Whatever you value you focus on
Whatever you focus on you align yourself with
Whatever you align yourself with becomes your world
Whatever becomes your world becomes the center of your universe
Whatever becomes the center of your universe becomes your reality

This is where alignment comes into play. Alignment is key in relationships. It’s important to have healthy relationships that involve give and take by both parties. If one person is always giving and the other person rarely or hardly ever reciprocates then the relationship is lopsided and imbalanced.Think about a car that’s out of alignment. The car wobbles along the highway because the gears and joints are off-centered. If you take your hands off the steering wheel for one second the car will steer off the road. When a car is in alignment you can take your hands off the wheel for quite a good length of time before it starts to veer off because everything is balanced and working together to keep the car centered. Relationships are suppose to be bring balance in our life. There is a mutual sharing of positives in a healthy relationship. Whenever there is an imbalance, it causes us to lose focus. It becomes a serious distraction.

In life you have a variety of relationships with parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, coworkers, etc. In these relationships each one serves a purpose in your life. Our parents are there to guide us from the time we are babies until we grow to become adults. Our friends are in our lives to share with us and us with them. When one of these many relationships are not serving or supporting us causing problems in our life, and are negative and toxic, it throws your life out of balance. Why? Because everyone has a set of values and beliefs that steer us in life. These core beliefs are what drive us. If you are constantly around people who’s values and beliefs are not aligned with your own values and beliefs it will cause much friction in your life. Alignment is all about balance. Misalignment on a car comes from uneven tire wear but it’s not only because of the tires but suspension as well. Are your relationships uneven? Like uneven tires, uneven relationships (or relationships with people who do not line up with your core values and beliefs and even relationships where you are doing more of the giving and the other person is doing most of the taking) can cause friction which creates wear and tear on your relationship. Parts of your car’s suspension may become worn and springs can be stretched out. Think about some of your own personal relationships. Out of all of your personal relationships, how many of these are causing you to feel like springs that have been stretched out? There are some relationships that can wear us out and zap our energy because of the never-ending negative impact that these relationships have on us. Some people that we allow ourselves to be in close relationship with don’t even add to your life, they only take away. How do they take away? You are the person they turn to only when they need something, you are the one they call up when they need a listening ear. Your relationship with them is one-sided where you are constantly giving and they are constantly taking. It’s okay if this relationship is a mentoring relationship but when we consider this person to be a friend this becomes a problem. If this is a relationship that is suppose to be a mutual friendship you may want to consider re-evaluating the relationship. Is the relationship a two-way street or a one-way street? Are you giving more than you are receiving or is it mutual give and take? If you are doing more of the giving and hardly ever receiving there needs to be an adjustment made.

In reference to alignment, bumps and other things like dents in the road can cause a car to become misaligned. In relationships we can hit quite a few bumps in the road of life as well. Sometimes these bumps (or friction) never get fixed or adjusted. Sometimes people overlook things in the relationship that need to be addressed yet all the while holding feelings inside and just going along without properly addressing the issue. Even relationships need maintenance. Are there any things in your relationships that need adjustments? Think about some of your relationships that may be strained. The thing about relationships is that unlike cars that you can take to a mechanic to get fixed or fix yourself, you can’t fix people unfortunately. It takes two to work on a relationship and two to make the relationship work. When a relationship hits a specific bump in the road and throws your relationship off-balance (out of alignment), what steps do you take to realign your relationship? If someone says something to you out of anger, how do you address these issues? If you don’t go to the person honestly and openly about your feelings you are allowing friction to build up in the relationship. Friction can build up causing wear and tear and unless it is addressed it can cause the relationship to suffer.

One of the benefits of alignment is ensuring that your car drives straighter and smoother [in your personal relationships this is compared to focus]. You get better gas mileage [are able to go further in life] because your tires will be properly aligned with the road thereby decreasing resistance. Is there resistance in your relationship that could use some fine-tuning? Maybe it’s time for an alignment. There are some relationships that are not going to get fixed no matter how much you try and repair and re-align. Maybe the other person is unwilling to change or adjust. Sometimes people grow apart and move in different directions. Sometimes one person in the relationship has grown and the other person hasn’t so this can also create friction. Re-evaluate those relationships that are no longer serving you and get your life back into Alignment!

References :

Davis, J. L. (2005-2011). How Antioxidants Work . WebMD. Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/features/how-antioxidants-work1

Merriam-Webster, Inc..(2011).Metabolism .Retrieved from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/metabolism

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